Spinning In Circles

Sunday. Hit the gym for 40 minutes. Then talked to Tharona for a while over her illness. Then talked to Lindsay about the stresses of my future as she tried to calm me down. Talked to Brady and he successfully helped me get my mind off my stresses for an hour. I then got ready and headed to Ralph's with the roommates to get some groceries then just came home and made some dinner. Last phone call of the day was of course to my mother, again stressing over my future. I did end up making a long-term goal's list though! (As possibilities)

-Graduate from FIDM

-Learn Japanese

-Learn Spanish

-Write a good story

-Pick up photography

-Discover the art of make-up

-Get a sociology degree (Graduate from the U)

-Move to Seattle or San Francisco

-Move and work abroad in Australia

-Move and work abroad in New Zealand

-Get an internship

-Travel to Greece

-Travel the East (Chicago, New York, Boston)

-Pick up Yoga again (or try kickboxing)

I have a lot to work on huh!? Well wish me luck in my travels/adventures and let me know if you wanna join in on them! I'd love companions for the fun. The more the merrier!

I guess I've been stressing out because I have so many options for the future and I have absolutely no clue which direction I would like to take with them. I've always been confused about the path I should take my life and I guess I just give myself a hard time because it's like this isn't getting any cheaper, and I'm certainly not getting any younger. I just wish I were absolutely amazing at something and that I had this huge passion towards it and became so successful but really truth be told I feel mediocre at many things and not one thing stands out. I debate between artsy stuff or business-like future. Not only that, but also where I'd like to pursue this. I fell in love with Portland about a year and a half ago and then fell in love with Seattle in March. I have this deep want to move to the Northwest that has been residing in me for a while. Honestly though I see Seattle as more dominant simply because it would have a bigger market for my major and also I have some family and friends there already. It's a fabulous mid-way of Salt Lake City and Los Angeles. Has the chill artistic vibe and laid back yet also party and urban sophisticate. Yet, I've heard of this work abroad organization called BUNAC that I'm very interested in, and I would love to explore what else the world has to offer. Also, what if I get an internship out here in Los Angeles. Am I gonna stay out here. I kind of don't want to because it's like I've lived here...now I want to go somewhere else. I doubt I'm making any sense! I just wanna make sure I don't get "stuck" anywhere that I'm not passionate about. Los Angeles is wonderful, but I'm not passionate about it. I kind of don't wanna live in Utah simply because that's where I've spent the past 20 years of my life I need more. I do want to go back to Utah though because my family and my friends are all there. I love family more then anything and Utah is home, home sweet home. I'm also frustrated with what if I don't even end up liking this field I'm going into? What if I can't sit there for 40 hours a week working on a screen for the rest of my life. Then what? What about this sociology degree? What am I gonna do with it? I'm enjoying these online classes i'm doing but where can it take me in the future if anywhere? All of these stresses with life and figuring myself out I don't see a "guy" in the picture or making any time for one. Then I begin to stress that I'm gonna be some lonely old maid because I never planned a guy into my life. lol I know so trivial, don't worry I'm rolling my eyes at myself currently, but it seems as though one stress isn't enough for me and when i begin to end my stresses I need to think of one more petty thing. Oh yes and don't worry, I'm selfish enough to believe that it's only me going through these stresses lol. JK, but I feel as though everyone knows what they are doing or they have an idea with which way to turn when I'm sittin' here spinning in circles over every mild decision.

Monday. LABOR DAY!! YAY! So i didn't have classes today, I went to the gym for 52 minutes and did homework all day long. I ended up taking caffeine pills to stay up all night. I ended up needing an energy drink at 4am to continue with homework.

Today I talked to both of my parents and they calmed me down telling me I'm the only person they know that tries to plan out the future as much as I do. I kind of relaxed a bit because it's true, planning so far in advanced when there are so many "what if's" involved can only drive a person mad. Also its not practical and its hurting my current life, planning the future so frequently and so far out is only distracting me from my present. It's not helping me stop and smell the roses. Obviously these stresses didn't just drop, they're still within me, but hopefully it's not as persistent as it has been.

Tuesday. Successfully did an all-nighter doing homework. Took a caffeine pill at 630am to continue with homework again. I went to the gym for muscle routine and just did 15 minutes of cardio. I went to the bank as soon as they opened to put the rent money from Truong, Alexis and Yadi in. I came home and paid bills then did homework at school for about an hour before heading into class. All morning long I had huge knots in my chest just stressing out over the end of the quarter! After class I went to studio to work on sound homework for a few hours and then grabbed some tacos with Claudia and went home and passed out at 7pm! I woke up around 11pm and figured out finances ate a little bit then updated my music library and passed out at midnight

Wednesday. Woke up and worked on my editing homework for a good three hours. Skipped doing the gym today in favor of doing joyous homework. Not to leave out the fact that my tummy muscles KILL from the work out yesterday. Just ended up getting ready for classes and head in. Had class from 3pm until 9pm. We learned how to green screen in After Effects. Claudia, ever so kind as she is, dropped me off at my apartment. Chit chat with Brady for a bit and then Yadi and I went to Aroma up in Studio City to grab a chai as my treat for working hard this week. Talked to my mom til midnight about the day's events and chit chat with Tharona for a bit and will hopefully be able to help her out with her logo for class. I'm planning on going into studio tomorrow at school from noon until however long it takes me to finish my 3D homework. Probably meaning until 9pm! Today was such a hard day. It felt as though every computer I worked on would crash on me. Well ok not quite that extreme it wouldn't crash, just the programs i would be working on wouldn't function correctly. (ie: Protools, Reason, Final Cut, and After Effects) and believe me it wasn't just my stupidity the teacher's would come over and help me out and they would have the same issues. Thank God it's not due to my stupidity. haha. Anyway, one final down, four more to go and need to get up early to hit the gym and do homework all day tomorrow! YAY loves and thanks for listening to my exciting lifestyle lol