Fall Break Begins

Tuesday. woke up at 2:30am to start doing homework. Pick up Tharona from her apartment at 11am then we walk to classes. Worked on finals and need to continue to work on them through the entire break. Claudia, Tharona, and I go to Portos in Glendale and then we hit up the Galleria to go shopping. I ended up buying three tops and a pair of shoes. I come home and talk to my mom and chill with the roommates a bit and then change my flight so I begin packing. I finish at 4am and then hit the sack.

Wednesday. Wake up at 6:30 am and take Tharona to the LAX airport. Come home finish packing and then Truong drives me to the Long Beach airport and I fly out to Portland. When I arrive in Portland I grab some food and a chai from Starbucks and then Jess picked me up from the airport. We ended up going shopping at Washington Square and then the outlets in Woodburn, OR (Dustin joined us for the outlets). Then the three of us hit up Red Robin and we just head back to their place and chill.

Thursday. Get ready and work on some of my University homework. Dustin picks me up from their place at 6pm and we head to downtown Portland to go eat at an Italian restaurant off 21st street and then we just come back to their place and chill.

Finals Insanity

Saturday. Talked to Jess Hunt for two hours about random everything. Then I talked to Tharona about the Seattle/Vancouver plans trying to figure out the hotel situation. I called my Auntie March and Jess and I are gonna end up staying at her place in Tacoma while we're visiting for the weekend. I finished all of my University homework, lectures and essay today luckily. It only took me all day long lol. Then I just talked to my mom and bought my plane ticket for travel back to Los Angeles after my travels to Salt Lake. I backed up my work and then head to bed at 2am

Sunday. Lost EVERYTHING! I had a major panic attack and freaked out. I was crying all over the place haha, and emailed, text, facebooked my teachers about the incident. Half way through the day I obtained some of the materials and began working all over again. I feel so disgusting I haven't been to the gym in several days and haven't really been eating all that healthy either, just snacking here and there with no real meals and not to mention no good food at home anyway because I don't want to go grocery shopping when Im gonna be leaving Los Angeles in a couple days. Not to mention I haven't had the time. I successfully got my Maya homework done and did some editing homework. The Maya isn't 100% completed, but it'll do for having my files vanish lol. At 5am I began studying for my Film History Final.

Monday. Another evening without sleeping. I got ready and head into class at 9am for Maya presentations. We ended up eating in class with the various foods that people brought for the day. Thank you to everyone for the delicious food. I had completed most of my Maya homework but I still have the opportunity to do touch ups on it due to my situation. Presentations are done at 2pm and I head over to my apartment to charge my phone that's mostly dead from texting Crystal all morning long.I head back to school for my Film History final at 3pm. I left half way through the class to come home and just have a minute to eat something other then snack food and rest a bit. I talked to Monique for about an hour and then my mom for a bit before heading to sleep around 730pm

Most of the pix are from Maya presentation final...Jung (our teacher) standing up on the table critiquing our work, the very successful sign posted about no food or drinks in the studio, the filming notice posted on my apartment doors notifying us that "Heroes" will be filmed this weekend out front, and the lovely fruit tart that Claudia got for Maya presentation from Portos in Glendale.

Coming to a Calm

Thursday. Hit the gym for 40 minutes and then got ready for the day. I dragged myself into studio at school and worked on homework from 1:30pm until 9pm. The entire day I just sat at the studio while my work rendered and listened to my online lectures from the U. May as well get twice the homework done in half the time right? haha Then I noticed I have a thought paper due in my sociology of marriage and family class on Sunday. How depressing. It's the absolute worst time for this, considering finals with my FIDM classes are currently ongoing. I did successfully finish the lecture for the class and watched the videos and read the articles for this week. One down, one more to go (in addition to the essay and my FIDM project finals). I got home at 9:15pm and just did laundry before chatting to my mom and passing out around midnight.

Friday. Hit the gym for an hour today. Got ready slowly and again was sluggish headed into studio at school. I was at studio from 12:30pm until 6pm. I successfully have most all of my Maya work completed, just last minute details to finish. What a relief though! Thank you ever so much to Hartley for all of her input, help, and teachings today during studio. Then I just came home, got on my favorite of all sites (facebook haha) and IM'ed a bit on there and checked hotel rates in Seattle before starting on more homework to finish the night.

I am so happy though that I'm not feeling the knots in my body, I don't feel quite as overwhelmed and that I may possibly be able to pull off this quarter with some last minute hard work. Not to get my hopes up! I'm not nearly as stressed though. Wish me luck! xoxo

Britt

Spinning In Circles

Sunday. Hit the gym for 40 minutes. Then talked to Tharona for a while over her illness. Then talked to Lindsay about the stresses of my future as she tried to calm me down. Talked to Brady and he successfully helped me get my mind off my stresses for an hour. I then got ready and headed to Ralph's with the roommates to get some groceries then just came home and made some dinner. Last phone call of the day was of course to my mother, again stressing over my future. I did end up making a long-term goal's list though! (As possibilities)

-Graduate from FIDM

-Learn Japanese

-Learn Spanish

-Write a good story

-Pick up photography

-Discover the art of make-up

-Get a sociology degree (Graduate from the U)

-Move to Seattle or San Francisco

-Move and work abroad in Australia

-Move and work abroad in New Zealand

-Get an internship

-Travel to Greece

-Travel the East (Chicago, New York, Boston)

-Pick up Yoga again (or try kickboxing)

I have a lot to work on huh!? Well wish me luck in my travels/adventures and let me know if you wanna join in on them! I'd love companions for the fun. The more the merrier!

I guess I've been stressing out because I have so many options for the future and I have absolutely no clue which direction I would like to take with them. I've always been confused about the path I should take my life and I guess I just give myself a hard time because it's like this isn't getting any cheaper, and I'm certainly not getting any younger. I just wish I were absolutely amazing at something and that I had this huge passion towards it and became so successful but really truth be told I feel mediocre at many things and not one thing stands out. I debate between artsy stuff or business-like future. Not only that, but also where I'd like to pursue this. I fell in love with Portland about a year and a half ago and then fell in love with Seattle in March. I have this deep want to move to the Northwest that has been residing in me for a while. Honestly though I see Seattle as more dominant simply because it would have a bigger market for my major and also I have some family and friends there already. It's a fabulous mid-way of Salt Lake City and Los Angeles. Has the chill artistic vibe and laid back yet also party and urban sophisticate. Yet, I've heard of this work abroad organization called BUNAC that I'm very interested in, and I would love to explore what else the world has to offer. Also, what if I get an internship out here in Los Angeles. Am I gonna stay out here. I kind of don't want to because it's like I've lived here...now I want to go somewhere else. I doubt I'm making any sense! I just wanna make sure I don't get "stuck" anywhere that I'm not passionate about. Los Angeles is wonderful, but I'm not passionate about it. I kind of don't wanna live in Utah simply because that's where I've spent the past 20 years of my life I need more. I do want to go back to Utah though because my family and my friends are all there. I love family more then anything and Utah is home, home sweet home. I'm also frustrated with what if I don't even end up liking this field I'm going into? What if I can't sit there for 40 hours a week working on a screen for the rest of my life. Then what? What about this sociology degree? What am I gonna do with it? I'm enjoying these online classes i'm doing but where can it take me in the future if anywhere? All of these stresses with life and figuring myself out I don't see a "guy" in the picture or making any time for one. Then I begin to stress that I'm gonna be some lonely old maid because I never planned a guy into my life. lol I know so trivial, don't worry I'm rolling my eyes at myself currently, but it seems as though one stress isn't enough for me and when i begin to end my stresses I need to think of one more petty thing. Oh yes and don't worry, I'm selfish enough to believe that it's only me going through these stresses lol. JK, but I feel as though everyone knows what they are doing or they have an idea with which way to turn when I'm sittin' here spinning in circles over every mild decision.

Monday. LABOR DAY!! YAY! So i didn't have classes today, I went to the gym for 52 minutes and did homework all day long. I ended up taking caffeine pills to stay up all night. I ended up needing an energy drink at 4am to continue with homework.

Today I talked to both of my parents and they calmed me down telling me I'm the only person they know that tries to plan out the future as much as I do. I kind of relaxed a bit because it's true, planning so far in advanced when there are so many "what if's" involved can only drive a person mad. Also its not practical and its hurting my current life, planning the future so frequently and so far out is only distracting me from my present. It's not helping me stop and smell the roses. Obviously these stresses didn't just drop, they're still within me, but hopefully it's not as persistent as it has been.

Tuesday. Successfully did an all-nighter doing homework. Took a caffeine pill at 630am to continue with homework again. I went to the gym for muscle routine and just did 15 minutes of cardio. I went to the bank as soon as they opened to put the rent money from Truong, Alexis and Yadi in. I came home and paid bills then did homework at school for about an hour before heading into class. All morning long I had huge knots in my chest just stressing out over the end of the quarter! After class I went to studio to work on sound homework for a few hours and then grabbed some tacos with Claudia and went home and passed out at 7pm! I woke up around 11pm and figured out finances ate a little bit then updated my music library and passed out at midnight

Wednesday. Woke up and worked on my editing homework for a good three hours. Skipped doing the gym today in favor of doing joyous homework. Not to leave out the fact that my tummy muscles KILL from the work out yesterday. Just ended up getting ready for classes and head in. Had class from 3pm until 9pm. We learned how to green screen in After Effects. Claudia, ever so kind as she is, dropped me off at my apartment. Chit chat with Brady for a bit and then Yadi and I went to Aroma up in Studio City to grab a chai as my treat for working hard this week. Talked to my mom til midnight about the day's events and chit chat with Tharona for a bit and will hopefully be able to help her out with her logo for class. I'm planning on going into studio tomorrow at school from noon until however long it takes me to finish my 3D homework. Probably meaning until 9pm! Today was such a hard day. It felt as though every computer I worked on would crash on me. Well ok not quite that extreme it wouldn't crash, just the programs i would be working on wouldn't function correctly. (ie: Protools, Reason, Final Cut, and After Effects) and believe me it wasn't just my stupidity the teacher's would come over and help me out and they would have the same issues. Thank God it's not due to my stupidity. haha. Anyway, one final down, four more to go and need to get up early to hit the gym and do homework all day tomorrow! YAY loves and thanks for listening to my exciting lifestyle lol

A New Me, I Think Not

Friday. Went to the gym for an hour and then did some of my University of Utah online homework and then went to dinner with Tharona at Barragan's in Echo Park. After briefly searching for a pawn shop that Tharona wanted to hit up but we hadn't managed to be too successful with because they were all closed.

Saturday. Did homework all day long. It was all my University homework that I worked on and completed. Then I headed to the gym, only for a 1/2 hour today because that's all I needed to throw me over my 3,500 calories a week to burn. I successfully ended my week with 3,685 working out 6 days and giving myself Wednesday as my day of rest. Then I got my grand plan to head to Aroma for some delicious chai. All of the roommates came with; Truong, Yadi, and Alexis. Truong, Yadi, and I were gonna hit up one of their friend's parties at the Medici building, but after circling around for about a 1/2 hour and 10 times around we decided upon hookah. I then proceeded to drive us up to Hollywood Hookah. This was my first time ever smoking and I can't say I really enjoyed it. I can say though that I did enjoy the experience. This was a big deal for me because I've never done anything else other then just drink.

-------------"You've Changed"-------------

I hate it when people say to me "you've changed" as if it's a bad thing. I haven't become some horrible person. Simply because my curiosity is getting the better of me recently doesn't mean suddenly I've changed. I've heard this "you've changed" thing FOREVER! Isn't that the point in life? Is to continually be developing, growing, and changing into who you are supposed to become? I was told by high school friends "you've changed" when I finally started taking a stand for myself and stopped letting them walk all over me. Is that so bad? I guess on a selfish note it is for them. Why is it that I had to start feeling bad about myself because I was standing up for myself and my beliefs?

When I switched high schools from Hillcrest High to Cottonwood High, I again heard the classic "you've changed." Yes, I got a boyfriend but I had one of those at 16, yes I drank but I drank when I was 15, yes I didn't want to be in the IB program because I didn't feel as though it was for me...I still took concurrent enrollment courses and AP courses at Cottonwood doesn't mean this made me a bad person. I made the switch of high school's because I was getting too involved in a socializing and the drama etc. I needed to change schools to better myself academically. Guess what, I got my highest GPA at the new school. Not such a bad person after all huh?

In college I heard that same friend from high school say I "used to be so nice." What am I now? a bitch? It's that same person from high school, so I can only conclude that it's because I take stand for myself again. Honestly though, it hurts me. I try to be nice, I try to be sweet, I try to be caring, I try to be the best friend for anyone who needs it especially in trying times and yet I feel like this beast that's a horrible person when these comments are made. As you can tell, they stay with me forever.

When I moved to Los Angeles I would hear from a few various friends "you've changed." I didn't want to change so it hurt me. I loved who I was before I left Utah to move out here. I didn't want to become one of these many Californians that's materialistic, shallow, and high maintenance. (Particularly in the LA area and at FIDM). I hated this, for 6 months I fought with it and pushed people away I didn't want to become close to anyone because I didn't want them to fill the position of any of my friends and family back home. This loyalty hit me hard.

When I got a nose piercing. As juvenile as it may seem, I had been debating on getting one for the past two years. I have, over the years, grown so sick of people who were all talk and no action. To put it eloquently, one drunken night with some friends I decided I'd get it done and stated that I would. The next morning I woke up knowing I wanted and needed to follow through on those simple words. When I went back to Utah I heard "you've changed." Of course again! Those dreaded words what can I do for people to start saying "you've changed" in a tone of voice thats positive and not so derogatory and demeaning? Am I that blind that I really am this bitch that it seems these people are making me out to be? I don't feel I changed I just finally got the courage to follow through with something that had been debated upon and thought out for too long.

I hookah'd last night. I've never done anything else, but drink in my entire life. I'm sure if some people back home hear of this occurrance I will get those same dreaded words. Guess what though, I'm done caring. I'm happy with who I am and if I decide to change something about myself then I'm gonna be proud of that change. If these people really think that my "changes" over all of these years are so horrible and if they truly believe that I'm as bad of a person that they make me feel that I am why are they still my friends? This is me, this is who I am and with the future I hope I change, I pray that I change, because I will only let myself change for the better. Let myself change to become the person I strive to be. Change to become the person that someone deserves to be with for the rest of their life. Change to be the person that my friends and family whom I love and cherish so much deserve to have around them. I want to change to become a more adventurous, more loving, and a more spirited person. I love life, and I believe change is good, it will only encourage my love toward life.

It's Life

Life has always been quite easy for me. Not meaning to flaunt it by any means but I'm proud of the life I've been so priviledged to have and don't want anyone to think I take it for granted, but life sure dealt me a good hand. I'm so lucky to have the good people in my life that I love and cherish so much and can't wait to see the adventures that the future holds for us and the new people who may join the ride.

I've noticed though that recently I've gotten quite self-concious and can't exactly pin point the feelings. It's the kind when days tend to lag and when they pass by it happened too quickly. I feel in over my head and stress is taking it's toll settling into my back giving me wonderful aches and pains. It's not just physically that I am this way but also how my whole life is supposed to pan out. I doubt myself and my abilities for my line of work or any possible career in my future. Its adulthood settling in and I can't say much more other then that I am scared for what lays ahead. I'm constanty being told to stop and smell the flowers because I plan and that's what I'm comfortable with..spontaneity is great and even little wonders but as for knowing what I want I can't trust that in the hands of destiny and I don't want to trust them in mine.

I'm 21...shouldn't I have this figured out by now? I'm not getting any younger. I'm not claiming that I'm old I'm simply stating that so many people know what they want out of themselves in life and I don't. I know what I want to achieve, but then the self-doubt resides in the back of my mind the one that reminds you this is reality and not the childhood tale that anything is possible.

The only time I'm comfortable is when I plan. I plan adventures to fill my life with joy and excitement but don't know what to do to keep me entertained between these times. I've always played it safe and I kind of don't want to anymore. I feel like I want to be the person that people think I am but I feel as though they are talking about someone else when they direct these compliments upon me. I've been told I'm a strong person, but I feel weak. I've been told I turned out so great but really I feel as though I'm a work in progress. It dawned on me one morning that everyone has their doubts, everyone gets self concious so I just need to suck it up and stop being so cautious. Everyone has had heartache and had tragedies in their life and I've gotten off so easily so I need to move on from what has been done in the past and begin to trust, trust everything will be okay.

Settling Back Down To LA Life

Monday. Back to the usual grind. Hw. Classes. Kevin Quigley anded up being a guest speaker in my film history class. He's a professional actor and has been on NCIS, CIS, House, among many other TV shows. We found out that our teacher was the producer of MMC (Mickey Mouse Club) with Justin Timberlake, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, JC Chasez, etc! After class just went home. Rest. Sleep.(My online classes at the University of Utah start)

Tuesday. Downer kind of mood all morning. Skipped class because I just did not feel right. Go to gym for an hour. Better mood. Yogurtland and Ralphs with Truong. Do hw for criminology class. Sleep.

Wednesday. Wake up watch a bit of tv with the roomies do hw head to the gym for 52 minutes then head to class for 6 hrs. Aroma with the roommates. Do hw from midnight to 345am..for criminology and sociology of marriage and family courses.

Thursday. Get up and ready. Americana and Galleria with Tharona. Homework and watch Over the Hedge.

Friday. Lazy day. Do some homework. Watch tv with Truong. Gym. meet at Tharona's for some drinking. wokcano in Santa Monica with Truong Tharona and Patrick. Back to tharona's place. Back home

Saturday. Watch eternal sunshine for the spotless mind. Watch tv with Truong.gym. Inglorious bastards with Tharona and Patrick. I have seriously watched more TV in the past 2 weeks combined then I have in the past 10 years of my life lol)

Sunday. Gym. Degrassi. Laundry. Pho with Tharona Truong and Patrick. Then Wii party at my place. Do hw and laundry. Sleep

Monday. Gym. Get ready. Study. Go to Film class for test. Dinner with Valeria at a Mexican Restaurant in Echo Park. Come home and do hw

Tuesday. Hw til 7 am sleep thru class go to gym for an hr. Get new nose ring bc the idiot that I am took it out and couldn't get it back in lol so the tattoo parlor next door they helped me get it in and i bought a new smaller piece of jewelry. Do hw on and off til midnight.

Wednesday. Wake up and do hw all day then get ready for class and have class from 3 to 9 go to chipotle with Claudia.

Thursday. Wake up early after a horrible nights sleep of tossing and turning. and go to gym for 56 min and get ready do some hw go to yogurtland, grocery shop with yadi and Truong , talk to jess in pdx, make dinner watch tv with yadi and pass out